It's been a really long time since I've written anything on here.
I got sidelined for a while, felt like I didn't have a voice, or at least nothing of interest to say to anyone.
I feel like I've found myself again and it's a good feeling.
Around March time I decided I wanted to go back to work, and I ended up getting a job in an office. It was full time and on my second day there I thought I had made a mistake. I carried on and had a few other upsets along the way. 3 months in, 4 doctor appointments later, increased then decreased anti depressants and beta - blockers and I realised I couldn't carry on the way I was. I'd handed my notice in for the 20th July but ended up leaving 3 weeks early. That last day I realised I really wasn't well. I was over sensitive, paranoid and emotional. I am grateful for being given a chance at that job - after 3 years of being a stay at home mum it can be very difficult to get back into work and that was possibly why I was struggling so much. But in terms of my mental health, I think home is best and always will be. Helping as much as I can with my husband's business and just enjoying my children, whilst they're still children.
I've tried to be as relaxed as I possibly can be since leaving work - making full use of the child care I'd already paid for with tidying, walking, exercising etc. I've tried to be more relaxed about various other things - for example, what we're having for tea, and I've tried to stop planning my days. Currently we have zero plans for the summer holidays, except for a few days when I'll be in the office and a week when we're on holiday. And this has helped me feel less apprehensive about it, surprisingly. I've stopped obsessing over a weekly shop and making sure I'd planned meals a week ahead.
I think sometimes it takes something drastic to show you that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
It's been a really long time since I've written anything on here.
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